Thursday, July 24, 2003

Davis Recall

This is such an easy problem to solve. I'm amazed that the TV anchors don't understand this, even though they get paid more than me.

If it costs too much money for San Francisco to hold the recall election, then don't hold it. We don't know how to count votes here anyway. Let LA pick up the cost, they can afford it -- "eat the rich" and all that, y'know.

Sunday, July 20, 2003

Simple things to balance The City budget:

  1. Charge for all those illegal "peace riot" posters on public property. McDonald's can't get away with such advertising, so neither should the contras.
  2. Dock Terrence Hallinan's pay for all the rioters he let loose. Thousands of San Franciscans pay for the riots of a few; Hallinan was incompetent in his prosecution; he should pay, not the working class.
  3. Give a bounty to people who take good photographs of gridlock or red-light runners, which are complete with license plate numbers to achieve a prosecution.
  4. Charge the Bay Guardian and San Francisco Weekly a dime for each copy distributed in news racks, because the habit of their readers to leaves these "free" advertisers unattended is one of the biggest pollutants in The City.

I've got lots more ideas for such simple and fair improvements, so keep reading here to learn what I'll do when You, my Loyal Constituents, elect me Mayor of San Francisco!

Friday, July 11, 2003

"Homeless" solution: This is a very simple problem to solve. The only difference between these people and the rest of us, as their PC name suggests, is that they don't have homes. Meanwhile, there's lots of space that is unused at night. Therefore, when I am elected mayor, I will open City Hall at night for camping, as well as all union offices and buildings. I'm also looking into opening buildings from the local Democratic and Green parties -- they've got a lot of them. We'll just politely request that these people clean up after themselves before we arrive in the morning. There, now why couldn't Tom Ammiano think of that, huh!?

Monday, July 07, 2003

Hi, I'm not sure about this blogging thing, but I figure it's good to get down my Great Ideas so I don't forget them. Today I realized that San Francisco can reduce environmental damage while still increasing revenues by selling hunting licenses to paintball warriors to hunt graffiti taggers.

Think of it! Nobody gets hurt... the pubsecent boys who scrawl on other people's walls after midnight with their illegible signatures get the poetic justic of having their Raiders jackets spattered with cheap paint... nerds who pay to hunt each other now pay to hunt a real social enemy... everybody wins! Of course, at some point the little taggers will buy a black-market handgun from the corner shark, so I'd encourage each legal hunting team to have some heavy artillery handy in case it's needed, but sure, why not, why not sell hunting licenses and make some money from tagging, instead of using working-class money to pay people in orange vests to clean it up and just keep tolerating this shad year after year? I must be a foggin' genius or something.... 8)

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